


Teen Novel Bullshit

by Takemykeyboard



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: Couch Universe, Fake AH Crew, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-12
Updated: 2017-07-24
Packaged: 2018-11-13 04:04:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,203
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11176644
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Takemykeyboard/pseuds/Takemykeyboard
Summary: Geoff has a few easy rules for the Fake AH Crew, but Michael is in the process of shattering rule number one.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm a sucker for cliche plots and they're great for writing practice! :) [This one will have pretty short chapters]

Geoff doesn’t have many rules for the Fake AH Crew. He’s a pretty laid back boss in terms of crew control and none of the Fakes want to mess with that. Besides, most of his rules are pretty understandable. He never put them in order of “I am on my way to kill you” to “just an eye roll,” but after years of working with their boss, the crew knew where everything stood on the Geoff Ramsey scale. One of the big ones was “don’t hurt kids if you can help it.” Rough up a teen to scare them a little (a little, Ryan), but don’t actually hurt them. Lower on the scale was “stay off my couch.” Geoff loved his couch and it was one of the few couches in the penthouse that still looked like it wouldn’t collapse at any given moment. But, if he finds you on it, you’ll get a kick to the shins, a “hey fuckass,” and that’s about it.

One of Geoff Ramsey’s absolute rules, as in do not break under any circumstances, was do not get involved with Gavin Free. Fuck with him, be friends, whatever, but the second someone moves toward being in anything with a semblance of a relationship with him, they move out of Los Santos for unspecified reasons. On one part, it’s to keep the crew moving smoothly. Other parts of the Rooster affiliation seem to do okay with this, but he doesn’t want to take his chances with a six-man main crew. Gavin Free also happens to be Geoff Ramsey’s surrogate son, as in Geoff’s son in everything but blood. Geoff is insanely protective of him on a good day. He knows Gav can take care of himself in jobs and day to day, but if anyone threatens his Brit, he turns from their laid-back drunk to the cruel gang boss the crew knows he can be. He doesn’t want to have to turn that hell loose onto his boys.

Michael Jones was in the process of breaking rule number one. He didn’t mean to. Somehow, he and Gavin went from crewmates to friends to bois to something else they hadn’t quite pinned down yet. The crew has their drink nights where everyone sets up camp on their designated couch and they play video games into the late night. This game night was Jack’s choice and the gang had an intense few hours of Lads vs Gents gameplay. After a final loss for the Lads of 5-4, Gavin disappeared just in time for cleanup. Jack and Jeremy cleaned up most of the resulting mess while Geoff and Michael pretended they were helping by fluffing cushions.

Michael threw away a few plastic cups he found buried in Gavin’s couch and made his way down the hall to his room in the spacious penthouse, waving a goodnight back to the others. Michael opened his red door and found one Gavin Free sprawled out on his bed.

“Gav, how many times can you-” he punctuated with air quotes- “fall asleep drunk in my room by accident’ before Geoff figures it out? Actually, scratch that, he probably figured it out months ago and is now on his way to murder me.”

The first time it happened, Michael was confused, but not surprised. Gavin is a notorious lightweight, so he doesn’t put it past the man to mix up the red and gold on their respective doors after a night of games and bevs. The second time, Michael was definately suspicious. He didn’t see Gavin drink that much, but maybe he himself had more than he thought and lost track. The third time, Michael looked down on a giggling Gavin and crossed his arms.

“But I am drunk Michael! M’just not asleep!” Michael rolled his eyes and sat next to Gavin. The previous times the Brit faked being asleep until Michael laid down next to him and went to sleep himself. It didn’t fool Michael for one second, but it was easier to let Gavin think he was fooled and if he got to fall asleep with Gav next to him, maybe it isn’t so bad.

“Good job. What do you want me to do now that you’ve camped out on my bed?”

Gavin curled up in Michael’s bed. “Wanna sleep Michael. It’s 2am and we have a job tomorrow night.”

Michael changed into the nearest pair of sleep pants and laid down next to Gavin. “It’s your own fault if you’re hungover in the morning.” He opened his arm for Gavin lay his head on his chest. “Goodnight Gavvy.”

“Night Michael.”


	2. Chapter 2

The job was going well for being a non-essential Fake AH job. It was a small setup for their next heist and all they needed to do was gun down a rival gang and steal a few special items they knew were in a secret storage. The Fakes had them down into a big underground safe room and were slowly picking off the remaining members. Jeremy, Ryan, Jack, Gavin, Michael, and Geoff fired in a rough line to push back and corner the group, everything going perfectly according to Jeremy’s plan. Gavin slowly moved forward, his golden handgun glinting occasionally in the dim lighting. Michael rolled his eyes and kept firing into the room. Gavin took the Golden Boy name from the press and ran it into every aspect of his life. He’d been told multiple times by every member of the Rooster Teeth group that the golden shit was a shining target for anyone shooting at him, but Gavin insisted on keeping up his aesthetic. Jeremy was a bet away from convincing him to dye golden tips into his hair.

Geoff shouted into the darkness, “If you would let us have them, we wouldn’t have to do this!” He thought for a moment. “No yeah you guys are assholes. We would’ve done it anyway.”

Michael laughed as he fired at the dim shapes in the distance. He loved a lot about his crew, but one of his favorite things was that they could be snarky and hilarious in any job. The middle of a firefight? Insult them. Interrogation? Piss them off. Peace meeting? Fuck with them a little. Everyone in the crew was more than a little insane and it was fantastic.

Jeremy’s gunfire paused to duck into cover and check his phone. B Team was hacking the cameras from their base. He called to the others, “Intel says there should be about three more.”

Michael stopped fire to shout back, “Since when is Matt considered intel?” He heard Gavin snicker to his left. He was getting impatient. They had been in that safe room for over half an hour and at the gang’s base for even longer. He had as much fun in a good fight as anyone else, but this was getting to the point of being almost boring.

“Geoff can we go home yet?” Michael whined. He resumed fire and heard shouts of pain.

“Hold boys! I think we got ‘em.” Geoff peeked from behind cover. “Jack, you want to go in with that shield?”

“Sure thing Bo-”

Gavin popped up stretching. “Come off it, Geoffrey. We heard three shouts and there were only thr-“

Another shot rang through the room and Michael’s heart sank. He whipped from the room to see Gavin crumple.

“Gavin!” Michael barely heard Jack shout.

Geoff fired the rest of his clip into the dark and the gang heard a scream. “Ryan. Go.”

Ryan bolted into the room carrying their heavy shield as Jack ran over to kneel next to Gavin. He ripped a piece of his pant-leg and used it to staunch the blood. “Call Caleb! Now!”

Jeremy tore his phone out of his pocket and started dialing. Caleb wasn’t a part of their crew, but he and Kdin were damn good medics when Jack’s first aid couldn’t go far enough. Michael ran to Gavin and crashed to his knees above his head. “Gav?”

The blood was coming from somewhere in his abdomen. Jack pressed the cloth harder and Gavin let out a grunt. “Hi Michael.”

Michael gently smoothed down part of Gavin’s hair. “Stop jumping out of cover you dumbass,” he said quietly. He carefully lifted Gavin’s head onto his lap.

Geoff sat back onto the ground near Gavin, his head in his hands. He didn’t like to see any of his boys hurt, but Gavin has always been special case. His Golden Boy. The British charmer and pickpocket he took in and raised like his own son into Rooster Teeth infamy. He dragged his hands down his face and looked over to his boy, feeling helpless. He knew the risks when he started his gang. Gus warned him about getting involved with his recruits. Geoff thought he learned his lesson about emotions and the world of Los Santos years ago, but apparently, he can’t stop himself from bringing danger to his loved ones. Geoff rubbed at his face and look between them to his Golden Boy. 

He barely heard Gavin’s whisper, “Michael, I’m gonna sleep with you tonight.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Be prepared for some side crime boss Ramsey origins and Geoff/Griffon in the next chapter! I got a bit carried away..


	3. Chapter 3

“So. Sleeping.” 

“Yes, Geoff. Just sleeping.” Michael sat slumped on his couch while Geoff paced a run in their carpet.

Geoff sighed. “That’s what I was worried about.” He gestured his head toward their medical room. Caleb had been there for hours working through whatever damage the bullet did to Gavin’s abdomen. “It would be so much easier if you were just fucking him.”

“Yeah Geoff, it would.” Michael put his head in his hands.

“Then I could lock you in two different rooms, slap you on the wrists, and say don’t do it again in my best crime boss voice. But this?” He threw his hands up. “This is some teen novel bullshit.”

Michael sat up. “A regular Romeo and Juliet,” he said dryly. “Do I at least get a say in how you kill me?”

Geoff sat down across from Michael, staring intently at his bombs and brawling expert. “See the thing is, I can’t kill you. I’m fond of you like all the idiots I’ve gathered and if I lose you, I lose the Golden idiot, too. I can’t actually punish you because even I’m not that much of a bastard and that would lead back to a moping British moron. I can’t kick you out of the crew because you’re useful as dicks while being a great fit with the crew and who knows what the squawking dumbass would do.” He stopped, glaring somewhere past Michael’s head.

Michael hesitated. “Geoff, this isn’t exactly the lecture I expected.”

Geoff stood pointing at Michael like a father would at a guilty son. “Don’t worry. It’s coming.” He resumed pacing. “How the fuck did you think this was going to work? You two get involved, actually involved and not just fucking involved like the others in this mess of a gang family, and what? Now you’ve got some happy little relationship safe and sound? That’s not how our world works here in Los Santos. You know how it is Michael. Relationships hardly work in our business and they’re risky as all hell when it’s two members of the same gang.”

He paused for a moment. Michael watched him carefully. The Fakes knew Geoff was married, each of them learning as they came up in the ranks. Once they were a surefire crew that he knew he could trust, it was more dangerous to hide than tell them. The rest of the crew have only seen her a handful of times, but they saw enough to know she could take care of herself. Her name is Griffon Fink, taking Geoff’s dead last name to protect her, and she wields chainsaws for a living. Her main work is making wood carvings for various clients, but in the late nights of the early crew days, when Geoff was drunk enough to let his boss façade crack, he told them about his beginnings in organized crime.

Rumors will say that the Rooster Teeth crew found Geoff Fink and took him in, but everyone in the the Rooster affiliation knows the truth. Geoff founded the gang with the other legends and helped bring it to the top of Liberty City. After being at the top, Geoff decided he had other ideas that were too big for Rooster Teeth and too complicated to work aside a big group in one city. Burnie heard his appeal and the crew gave him a sendoff to Los Santos that would go down in Liberty City history.

Two weeks later, Geoff Ramsey was a known name in the streets, but not known enough for a gang. He had Jack Pattillo, another default from the RT gang, and was slowly recruiting a curly-headed brawler from New Jersey. On a simple setup job, Geoff Ramsey found himself cornered by a small bare-knuckle gang with Jack miles away on negotiation business. He held his own until, bloodied and bruised, Geoff thought he was at the end of his Fake AH dreams. As he vowed to go down with all the fight he had left in him, a blonde woman crashed through a fence holding a Husqvarna 455 and wearing an expression fierce enough to drop a molten ball of fear through Geoff’s stomach. He fell in love immediately.

They dated and married in secret, Griffon becoming one of the few people in the world who could bring the notorious Ramsey to his knees. Soon after, he was forced to tell Jack as the fighting gang decided to go back for revenge. The survivors went back to their main crew and gave a name and address to attack. Geoff blamed himself for being too obvious. He didn’t want Griffon hurt and, though she could hold her own, he needed Jack for backup. They finished them off, but he, Griffon, and Jack took heavy damage in the process. That was when Geoff decided that he wouldn’t allow inter-crew relationships. His relationship with Griffon was supposed to be a secret, but she was still targeted as an under the criminal radar civilian. What kind of hell would his boys go through if any of them were seen as a couple in public?

Geoff let out a deep sigh as he thought about his own relationships. “We have enough problems already, Michael. I love you both, as much as I sometimes hate to admit it. This kind of thing could get you both killed and, after tonight, it doesn’t seem like Gavin needs any help with that. I know you’ll try to protect him but-” Michael watched him carefully- “I don’t want you to go down either.” Geoff sat back down onto his couch, out of energy after the long day.

Michael leaned forward, mirroring Geoff with his elbows on his knees. “So where does that leave me, Geoffrey, because this is a pretty complicated circle you’re spinning.”

Geoff sighed again his voice losing the hard, crime boss tone. “Where you are, Michael is right here. I can’t try and stop you like I could anyone else in Los Santos and, frankly, you’re probably the best equipped to handle Gavin for long periods of time.”

“So what you’re saying is...?”

Geoff put his hands down, giving Michael a tired smile. “I’ll allow it. I’m actually happy for you and I’ve been expecting this for a while.”

Michael grinned now, knowing he was off the hook. “I heard Jack saying you owe him fifty.”

“And fucking Jeremy Dooley eighty.” Geoff flopped back on the couch. “Two more weeks and I would have made two hundred.”

Michael opened his mouth to reply as Kdin entered the room, pulling down her mask. “Caleb’s basically done; he can tell you more about the damage. As soon and the bandages are sealed you can come see him.” She turned down the hall to tell the rest of the crew. Jack, Ryan, and Jeremy had retreated to their rooms in an attempt to distance themselves from Geoff’s possible meltdown.

Geoff sighed and sat up. “You go. I’ll deal with you both in a minute.”

Michael stood and offered his hand, Geoff taking it. “Thanks Geoff.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the wait! We had a few bad storms and a tornado, so internet was a little difficult for a while!


	4. Chapter 4

Michael opened the medical door as Caleb walked out. He stopped to tell Michael, “He took a pretty good shot to the abdomen; he’s lucky the guy was down to a .22. He’s on bed rest and heavy meds for a while, but he’ll be fine in a few weeks.” He tipped the little hat he insisted on wearing and went to find Jack, the only one he trusted enough to give competent treatment.

Michael carefully entered to find a wrapped and covered Gavin on their medical bed. He looked dazed and more interested in the ceiling than normal, but otherwise nicely alive.

“Hey Gavvy,” Michael murmured as he approached the bed.

Gavin’s head slowly turned to the sound. “Micooooool,” he said, slurring back into a heavy accent. He lifted his arm lethargically to point. “My boooi.”

Michael chuckled. “Yeah that’s me.” He moved the Brit’s finger from his cheek and sat by the bed. “How’re you doing?”

“M’feelin nice. Caleb did nice.” He patted Michael on the shoulder. “I like you.”

“I like you, too.” Michael patted his hand back. “But that doesn’t mean you’re going to miss one hell of a lecture about being a dumbass in a fire fight.” Gavin’s face slowly moved into a pout as he processed the second part.

Geoff chose this time to enter, arms crossed and stance wide. “Speaking of dumbasses, I have just the two I’m looking for in the same room.”

Gavin pulled his hand from Michael’s as quickly as he could on heavy drugs. “Geoff, we- I- Michael-” Michael reached over and covered his mouth.

Geoff nodded his thanks to Michael. “I know. I’ve had a suspicion for a while and a betting pool for even longer.” He uncrossed his arms and let himself relax. “I’m not going to waste my time giving you a big speech on the dangers of inter-crew relationships and jumping up in the middle of a gunfight because, let’s face it, you’re high as dicks off whatever Caleb gave you right now and you probably won’t remember it anyway. Michael can tell you all about his.”

Gavin was still staring wide-eyed. Geoff leaned in and spoke slowly, “I’m. Allowing. It. If this all blows up, it’s your problem, but I’m allowing it because I don’t expect it to be a problem.” He walked over to pat Gavin on the head. “You’ll get the full lecture when it isn’t two in the morning.” Geoff exited the room on a direct path to the living room bar.

“Hear that, boi?” Michael grinned. “I’m stuck with you.”

Gavin grinned back, not fully understanding what just happened, but assuming that it was good.. He held out his arms and waved them slightly. “Michael. Sleep.”

“Yeah, yeah. Let’s sleep.” He climbed into the bed next to Gavin and soon had a Brit as wrapped around him as possible. They both drifted off to sleep, Michael thinking of how much Mario Party he’s going to play   
in the next few weeks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short and sweet to finish it off. Thank you all for reading!


End file.
